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Pottery Barn Gets Gnar - Absurd prices are hip... just add a skateboard

I remember long ago when Pottery Barn carried a diverse and rustic line of products - the kind of products I would put in my home. Now they appear in every mall in the country touting nouveau-chic and prices above the stratosphere - and there isn't a damn thing in that store that I'd ever want in my home now.

Pottery Barn skateboard room

In theory, I wish I had $8,000 to blow on upgrading my son's room, but if this was the outcome... forget it!

Their product line has expanded to the point at which they have a few different catalogs. Somehow I was put on the mailing list for the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. I have a kid - an awesome two-year-old boy - but the similarity ends there. Most people with my attitude would simply throw away this catalog, but I don't. I'm fascinated by it and the freakish reality that they think sells children's products.

I suppose their tactics must work to some degree, but this catalog scares the hell out of me. No normal child can grow up and aspire to having rooms look like this!

Pottery Barn skateboard room

Each vignette in the catalog makes me wonder what planet their marketing and creative design teams reside on. They show kids in these obscenely sterile rooms with everything tucked away in color coded boxes or wicker baskets with the child's name monogramed on the side. If these kids were real, they'd be beaten up everyday at school.

At some stage early on in life kids learn to dress themselves and develop their own personal style. What's one to do with a boy who wants to wear a polo short over an oxford along with cargo-Khakis? This little d00d has some wardrobe issues, eh?

Don't the rooms themselves seem rather ill-conceived? Where's the Slayer poster or the obligatory sports motif of some sort? What sort of child is so immune to self-identity that their own room takes on this form?

Pottery Barn skateboard room

I guess the answer lies in the fact that it's the parents who buy this stuff and Pottery Barn doesn't sell Slayer posters... so there you have it.

I think the skateboard in these photos (looks like the same sk8 in every one) was tossed in to ease kids into thinking this may be an acceptable decor for their own room.

Don't be fooled, kids... Pottery Barn wants all your parent's money and they don't care if you get beaten up at school for being a dork. And don't get all shop-wise and try buying wicker products over at Pier1. Those guys will shaft you too AND insist you buy a candle or two.

Take heed Little Ones... Be cool and listen to Slayer. Skate knows best!

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