Skateboarding Reviews - Videos & DVDs

There's no good reason to watch films like this, but I did anyway. I'm a sucker for cleverly marketed cover-art. But come on... Traci Lords is in it - it has to be good, right? She's a former porn star gone b-movie queen in the likes of "Not of This Earth" and the TV series, "First Wave". The logic seems strong, but the reality is as chilling as a case of frostbite. I yearn to believe that this will be an intoxicating melding of awesome snowboarding and hot chicks (especially Traci). Alas, my dreams are shattered. It fails on all fronts.

My major miscalculation is time frame. Traci Lords was hot - let's say around 1988. Now, her name seems to regularly befall various projects; then she appears looking like crap - as seen in Frostbite. She plays this haggard barkeep who's crusty voice is as much a turn-off as her wardrobe. Being as psyched as I was to catch my former porno-queen in a new role, I couldn't even enjoy the fact that someone in casting did manage to find a few attractive women to fill out the cast.

But then there are the writers. I'm not looking for Masterpiece Theater or any high calliber of acting, but the drivel they spew makes me wonder if the script was more than six pages long. At times, it seems like I'd have been better served by turning off the sound, but the few and far between instances of beautiful girls negates that strategy.

Despite this tempting image... it just ain't worth the rental fee!

Much like when forced to eat peas as a viable green vegetable, I go off on a rant about how awful they taste and I find myself doing the same thing here - ranting about the lack of titilation in what should have been a very TIT-ilating flick. This site barely veils its intentions, yet is aledgedly a skateboarding site (and snowboarding). So what about the snowboarding?

Lets just say there isn't enough footage of any kind to make this a viable watch. Every time I watch a movie like this (and regret it) I feel compelled to begin directing movies. At the same time, I'm fairly certain that my directorial skills would circle the drain somewhere around the level of pornography. I don't think I posess the restraint necessary to mix snow/skatebording with chicks and not have blatant nudity over-run the whole project. I suppose admitting you have a problem is the first step to curing it.

There's no good reason to fucking watch films like this, but I did anyway. I'm a sucker for cleverly marketed cover-art. But come on... Traci Lords is fucking in it (well, not actually, fucking) - it has to be good, right? She's a former porn star gone b-movie queen in the likes of "Not of This Earth" and the TV series, "First Wave". The logic seems strong, but the reality is as chilling as a case of frostbite. I yearn to believe that this will be an intoxicating melding of awesome snowboarding and hot chicks (especially Traci). Alas, my dreams are shit upon. It fucking fails on all fronts.

My major miscalculation is time frame. Traci Lords was hot - let's say around 1988. Now, her name seems to regularly befall various projects; then she appears looking like a bag of shit - as seen in Frostbite. She plays this haggard barkeep who's crusty voice is as much a turn-off as her wardrobe. Being as psyched as I was to catch my former porno-fuck-queen in a new role, I couldn't even enjoy the fact that someone in casting did manage to find a few attractive women to fill out the cast.

But then there are the writers. I'm not looking for Masterpiece Theater or any high calliber of acting, but the shit they spew makes me wonder if the script was more than six fucking pages. At times, it seems like I'd have been better served by turning off the sound, but the few and far between instances of beautiful girls negates that strategy.

Despite this tempting image... it just ain't worth the rental fee!

Much like when forced to eat fucking peas as a viable green vegetable, I go off on a rant about how awful they taste and I find myself doing the same fucking thing here - ranting about the lack of titilation in what should have been a very TIT-ilating flick. This site barely veils its intentions, yet is aledgedly a skateboarding site (and snowboarding). So what about the snowboarding?

Lets just say there isn't enough fucking footage of any kind to make this a viable watch. Every time I watch a movie like this (and regret it) I feel compelled to begin directing movies. At the same time, I'm fairly certain that my directorial skills would circle the drain somewhere around the level of pornography. I don't think I posess the restraint necessary to mix snow/skatebording with chicks and not have blatant nudity over-run the whole project. I suppose admitting you have a problem is the first step to curing it.