Skateboard + Blog = SKLOG?

2009 Archive of Skateboard Blogs

Below is the archive of random skateboard thoughts that crossed my mind in 2009.

2009 Skate the Planet Skateboard Blog Archive

December 2009

Merry Christmas We know who's been nuaghty & nice...

happy holidays merry christmas skateboarding

Happy Holidays from Skate the Planet & Grind•12!
Tiger Woods' Porn Pokes One little car crash and suddenly billionaire golf pro Tiger Woods is front and center in every newscast. He always struck me as a low key sort of person. I wouldn't have guessed he'd be linked to affairs with two different porn stars. Just goes to show you can never tell for sure which "ones" are the freaks.

Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren seems like quite the catch - not the sort of chick you cheat on with random porn stars. None the less, both Joslyn James and Holly Sampson are on his "post-golf fuck-list". It should be interesting to see how Woods' sponsors react.

Tiger's Porno pals...
skateboarder adult actress porn star Joslyn James pink bra thong standing skateboarder adult actress porn star Holly Sampson black bra garters thong behind

November 2009

Happy Thanksgiving Give thanks for all you have... then see if you can figure out how to assemble a Turducken.
Porn Star Comics with Aurora Snow Carnal Comics Porn Star Comics with Aurora Snow Let's all give a hand to Carnal Comics for bringing the "true" lives of porn stars to the comic book medium. What would we do without an animated biography of those in the adult film business? I suppose my appreciation for porn, comics and skateboarding is what prompted me to even mention it here.

Actually, porn star Aurora Snow has been in porn since 2000 and has embraced social networking sites in a much different manner than most. Through her Myspace and Twitter accounts, she depicts a very real person with a full life outside the world of adult films. Describing her personal trials and tribulations, she comes off as the girl next door... who just happens to have performed in over 400 films with a penchant for filling her backdoor.

Rent of buy some of her films for a better grasp on her film credits and check out her comic book, Aurora Snow: True Stories of Adult Film Stars.

October 2009

Happy Halloween! Trick or Treat and Support your local skate shop! #sylss

Support your local skate shop #sylss
Football is OK Currently the World Series is fucking up my ability to see Fringe on Fox. I know this sort of frustration is short lived, but I didn't know that Baseball runs this late in the year. In fact it seems to be occupying time that mindless football games could be broadcast. So now there are 2 sports robbing me of the primetime crap I enjoy watching!

Knowing that football will continue on through the winter kind of bums me out. It wasn't until I found this pic that I had any positive thoughts about the game.

Girl in football jersey and thong

How come there's no skateboarding in primetime? Hell, even the X-Games are on cable channels at 11:00 at night. Oh yeah. skateboarding doesn't generate enough ad revenue or beer sales. I forgot.
Top Skaters & Porn Stars Transword Biz puts out their Exposure Meter giving you an idea of who's hot in the realm of 4-wheel'd mayhem. It's always nice to have some sort of metric against which to measure such things.

Transworld Biz Exposure Meter October 2009

Genesis top 100 porn stars It's probably not quite as techie-oriented, but Porn Stars have their own metrics too.
Genesis Magazine came out with their 11th annual "Top 100" porn stars. Similar to a pro skater trying to determine their status in the skate world, Porn Stars have to have a metric too.

According to Genesis: "We look at a ton of factors in ranking these top stars in the porn world. Whether it's the amount of a girl's name recognition, her looks, the heat of her scenes, her accomplishments in and out of hardcore, the number and quality of movies she's made, or even something as simple as what she does and doesn't do on camera, all of this gets put into our little system and then we spit out her spot on Porn's Hot 100. It's not a science by any means, but rather the opinion of our staff and some select industry insiders".

Check the list below to make sure your Mom hasn't changed jobs recently...

Genisis Magazine's Top 100 Porn Stars:

  1. Sasha Grey
  2. Jenna Haze
  3. Jesse Jane
  4. Tera Patrick
  5. Stormy Daniels
  6. Bree Olson
  7. Briana Banks
  8. Belladonna
  9. Joanna Angel
  10. Gianna Michaels
  11. Jessica Drake
  12. Teagan Presley
  13. Sunny Leone
  14. Alexis Texas
  15. Eva Angelina
  16. Kayden Kross
  17. Stoya
  18. Gina Lynn
  19. Savanna Samson
  20. Tori Black
  21. Bobbi Starr
  22. Alektra Blue
  23. Katsuni
  24. Shyla Stylez
  25. Jada Fire
  26. Jenny Hendrix
  27. Ashlynn Brooke
  28. Tory Lane
  29. Audrey Bitoni
  30. Hillary Scott
  31. Brianna Love
  32. Kimberly Kane
  33. Dana DeArmond
  1. Monique Alexander
  2. Rebecca Linares
  3. Alexis Love
  4. Sunny Lane
  5. Kaylani Lei
  6. Marie Luv
  7. Sandra Romain
  8. Shawna Lenee
  9. Kagney Linn Karter
  10. Mikayla Mendez
  11. Aurora Snow
  12. Nikki Jayne
  13. Riley Steele
  14. Lexi Belle
  15. Meggan Mallone
  16. Hanna Hilton
  17. Lisa Ann
  18. Courtney Cummz
  19. Amy Ried
  20. Penny Flame
  21. Kirsten Price
  22. Nikki Benz
  23. Kylie Ireland
  24. Mika Tan
  25. Gianna Lynn
  26. Katie Morgan
  27. Daisy Marie
  28. Lindsey Meadows
  29. Renae Cruz
  30. Ryder Skye
  31. Angelina Armani
  32. Faye Reagan
  33. Amber Rayne
  1. Jayden Jaymes
  2. Annette Schwarz
  3. Katja Kassin
  4. Roxy Jezel
  5. Jandi Lin
  6. Holly Wellin
  7. Jenna Presley
  8. Moxxie Maddron
  9. Britney Stevens
  10. Roxy DeVille
  11. Pinky
  12. Claire Dames
  13. Cherokee D'Ass
  14. Sindee Jennings
  15. Holly Wellin
  16. Flower Tucci
  17. Delilah Strong
  18. Audrey Hollander
  19. Lela Star
  20. Whitney Stevens
  21. Lexi Love
  22. Brynn Tyler
  23. Rio Valentine (Morgan Dayne)
  24. Riley Evans
  25. Alexis Amore
  26. Sadie West
  27. Ava Rose
  28. Kelly Wells
  29. Veronica Rayne
  30. Sophie Dee
  31. Brooke Haven
  32. Nicole Sheridan
  33. Zoe Britton
  34. Shy Love

Suicide Girls - Flip Strip Suicide Girls - Flip Strip iPhone App I remember those cheesy nudie pens that featured a girl whose clothes would slide off when you turned the pen on end. Is it any surprise that this sort of folly now clogs the iPhone's app store? "Art Slease", as it's been called on a few sites, seems to have a mass appeal.

The only drawback is Apple's standard of moral fortitude that disallows anything more elicit than a bikini. I suppose that's why this is an offering from the Suicide Girls and not Larry Flynt.

On the bright side, Flip Strip is free. It only features a few girls which makes me think it won't be free once they develop it further (add more chicks).
Marge Simpson Playboy Playmate NEWS FLASH:
All the attractive women of the world have suddenly disappeared!

Marge Simpson Playboy Playmate Is this really what people want to see in a porn rag? I know, Playboy is classy and has great articles. Whatever! Take out the naked chicks and watch the sales plummet even farther. So, the saving grace of Playboy - an attempt to get more folks interested - involves cartoon tits?

Even if that's true, are Marge Simpson's tits up for the job? Can her yellow boobs and tall blue hair boost ad revenue for Playboy Magazine? If this is cashing in on the MILF craze, can someone explain how the "ILF" portion of it applies to Mrs. Simpson? I get the "M" part.

Let's face it, Betty & Veronica would have been more fetching choices! That Archie Andrews sure had it made!
Twitter "Follow Me" Stalker Stockings For the gal who strives to have more followers on Twitter with the allure of a "follower" becoming a dangerous stalker... Follow Me Stockings!

Twitter Follow-Me Stockings Can't get enough of Twitter?
Want to be followed home by a lunatic?

Why not tempt some ramdom whacko to live out his inner-creepy stalker fantasy?

I don't think our crime-ridden society really need to be taunted into committing more crimes. Identity theft and online stalking is scary enough without going out of your way to provoke more. But if you're desperate to attract attention from those with low moral standards, why not combine it with this cum-dumpster shirt?

Cum Dumpster Shirt
Harbor Freight Ad in Skateboarder Mag When I first glanced at this ad for Harbor Freight in the Nov. 2009 issue of Skateboarder Magazine, I thought it was one of those parody ad designed to look like those horribly generic ads for discount sales companies. Upon closer look, I realized IT IS one of those fucking ads!

I'm not sure what demographic they're trying to reach with a full page ad in Skateboarder, but I don't find much correlation between skateboarding and random tools. Floor jacks, compressors and generators can come in handy, but I wonder what their ad department was thinking when they signed up for this.

They even included a special link to their site-
Um... good luck with that.
Viral Phenomenon of the Bearsharktopus Bearsharktopus Shirts If you haven't seen the Bearsharktopus, point your browser to any search engine and take in the mighty awe of this creature. We've all seen clever viral marketing campaigns that peopel forward like wildfire, but Bearsharktopus sets itself apart by being an ingenious creation without the weight of a "buy this now" marketing jaunt.

He's just cool as hell!

One thing that sets it apart is the obvious effort and talent that went into its creation. This is epically better than PhotoShopping your friend's head onto a funny body.
Set yourself apart and go get a Bearsharktopus shirt!
Rob Halford Christmas CD Rob Halford Christmas CD Winter Songs Every holiday season some celebrity (often of dubious notoriety) feels compelled to put out a CD full of Christmas music. 99% of these releases suck beyond belief.

I'm a huge Halford fan from Judas Priest to his various solo projects. Winter Songs seems about as far "out there" as one can go and still wear the heavy metal badge. From what I've read, this isn't a wimpy release of holiday classics. It's holiday songs done Halford style with a metal edge.

Who knows? Twisted Sister has a Christmas CD, Twisted Christmas.
Misappropriating Skateboarding It's bad enough that WalMart and Target sell skateboards, but its almost worse when some corporate entity tries to use skateboarding to make themselves seem cool.

Often old men in suits hear things like, "Skateboarding is really on the rise". Suddenly, they think if they align themselves with something cool - like skateboarding - it will benefit their image, product or whatever they are pushing.

Yahoo Ad

If this guy, in this Yahoo ad, is master of some universe - digital or otherwise - I'd like to know how many fucking light-years away it is. This ad might have passed the test around the boardroom table, but no skater in his right mind would look at this and equate it with any part of skateboarding.

I'd also like to know what target-audience is supposed to be intrigued by this image. I think Mike V. needs to pay Yahoo a visit and explain what skateboarding is all about. He's done a great job crossing the globe as an emissary of sk8 - time to come home and visit the wonks at Yahoo for a refresher course in modern cool.
Boost in Sales Thrasher's best impulse buy!

Thrasher panties

September 2009

Beware Bearsharktopus! Bearsharktopus
This is why I don't surf: Bearsharktopus!

Bearsharktopus Shirts Check out the full details on the Bearsharktopus website!
Traci Lords Follows STP on Twitter Traci Lords Twitter Former porn star of the 80's Traci Lords is following our BS on Twitter.

After her controversial career in the adult biz, she released an amazing album - 1,000 Fires, made some very cool B-movies and starred in a kick-ass TV series, "First Wave".

I met her (and got several autographs) at a small comic con in NJ. I think it's awesome that Traci Lords is using her Twitter account.
Megan's Jennifer's Body Jennifers Body movie poster Having ben disappointed by the Transformers 2 movie (although it did have that one amazing "Megan Fox sitting on a motorcycle" scene), I'm releived that Ms. Fox delivered a more promising performance in Jennifer's Body flick. Horror flicks always have some element of "wow, this sucks", but Jennifer's body is a really good film. It gives new credibility to the genre and Megan Fox is as hot as ever.

Jennifer's Body should become a "must see" when Halloween rolls around or any time you want a quality horror flick with a hottie that can truly deliver the roll.
WalMart Wants a Kiss New Kiss CD Sonic Boom We all know WalMart is the last fucking place you want to buy skateboards, but it's the only place you can buy the new Kiss album. Exclusive releases through this crappy discount chain have been financially lucrative for other bands (like AC/DC) who've followed this route.

Personally, I despise the WalMart experience from the creepy "greeter" to the self-checkout machine that refuses to recognize the products.

However, having heard one of the singles on the radio, I have to have this CD. I started loving Kiss upon the release of Destroyer. Sonic Boom sounds like throwback to that era - old school as fuck. Can't wait for the release.
Where the Wild Things Skate Spike Jonze on the Cover of the New York Times Magazine If you're only familiar with Spike Jonze from his skateboard videos or from his role in the movie Jackass, you may be bewildered by his appearance on the cover of the New York Times sunday magazine.

August 2009

Phone Home Out of the blue, my 4 year old son called me to say "Hi". Great way to start a day!
Support Your Local Skate Shop! #sylss We all know Wal-Mart is about selling crap for cash. If you want a crappy $25 skateboard, then it's the place to go (you can also pick up edited music, tube socks & car wax). If you seek quality, then you local skateboard shop is the place to go. They're the only ones who'll take care of you and provide a wealth of services that discount stores deem cost-excessive. Support Your Local Skate Shop! #sylss
Support Your Local Skate Shop! #sylss
Skate With Tony Hawk Wanna hang out with the legendary Tony Hawk? Get out your checkbook and name your price!

For the first time ever, you can spend the day with Tony Hawk and his friends in some of the most unique places. The Tony Hawk Experience is your exclusive opportunity to have a personal experience with you and your friends with the world's most famous action sports figure and to benefit the Tony Hawk Foundation while you do it.

The above text comes from The Tony Hawk Experience website where cash is king if you want to chill with Tony. From a $2,000 phone call to a $100,000 option in which you can bring Tony to school for show & tell - all it takes is money.

All the money raised will go to The Tony hawk Foundation to build skateparks in low-income communities.
Bring Back ATARI! Tony Hawk video game Like many, I began my video game addiction with the Atari 2600VCS. It was a simple 8-bit system than engaged a generation and gave us solid fun while spurring imagination.

Remember what imagination is? It's the brain's ability to fill in missing information. Like when you're playing a crappy 8-bit game and have to believe that the white triangle is a space ship and that the white rocks are asteroids. I spent hours playing Asteroids and still do. I bought a PlayStation and was stoked on the reality and quality, but where does it all end?

Reality is going out side and talking to real people and doing real things. Entertainment shouldn't try so hard to mimic reality. If your imagination fills in the missing elements, why remove that ability by trying to make video gam images perfect?

I admire what Hawk has achieved in skateboarding and business (video games, for instance), but I don't need a game that depicts him down to every line on his face. If I need that much detail, maybe I should go outside and skate! Fuck the Xbox- go outside and do real things!
Presidential Beer Summit In the wake of cops arresting a man for going into his own house...
Have race relations come to sucking down beers with the parties involved and then all is well? Stupid cops and angry professors get White House invitations and a few cold ones?

President Obama slams beers

I thought removing George Bush was a step toward keeping idiocy OUT of the White House! I think Obama needs to sit down with someone who knows how to get shit done - Bam Margera. Now THAT would be a newsworthy gathering of minds and the beers would come in handy as well.

July 2009

Football May Not be Exclusively for Idiots Bueno football is for idiots Remember Bueno Skateboards? One of their ads said "Football is for idiots" and when you see a bunch of guys slam into each other, pile up in a man-hill and then slap each others asses during touchdown celebration dances... Well, they do seem like idiots. And they get multi-million dollar contracts for this???

Lingerie Bowl game Having heard about the Lingerie Bowl which first aired during Super Bowl XXXVIII in 2004, I thought football may have a few redeeming assets. I may have been wrong. The Lingerie Football League (LFL for those in the know) simply pits teams of chicks in thongs and pads against each other.

Granted I'd rather see 15 minutes of chicks playing football, the end result is the same - Nice idea; porn is better than lingerie football!

Lingerie Bowl girl in football pads
Inbox A welcome piece of email that came quite unexpectedly...
Ace Frehley Kiss email

A new Ace Frehley's (the guy who made KISS sound like KISS) new CD, Anomoly, is coming out soon!
"We copy you down, Eagle" Julia Roy skateboard Today marks the 40th anniversary of the first moon landing.
When you stop to think about it. That was an amazing achievement for 1969! People need to rekindle that sense of adventure and challenge and get behind NASA's space program. I'd rather see money spent in space than on the remnants of the war George Bush forced us into.

It's a shame Cronkite died just days before this amazing anniversary. He played such a pivotal role in covering the moon landing. TV news is little more than tabloid TV. Most news items seem taken from Access Hollywood or Entertainment Tonight. Network news is a joke in today's age of indifference, laziness and ADD.
Julia Roy Rolls Some Skate Julia Roy skateboard Social networking queeen, Julia Roy, may be hipper than you in the digital maze and she's probably better looking than you are, but don't underestimate her skate-sense. Not one to ride (I'd surmise) but she was quick to re-tweet the P-Rod / Ice Cube video by Nike SB. That's gotta count for something.

Julia Roy tweets skateboard video
Grind | Ground | Grim
Expanding creative passions Quitting skateboarding Jereme Rogers
"Burn Notice" on USA Network television New shows that suck before they even air
Too Poor for Magma Flipping through the "Outerwear Buyer's Guide" in the August 2009 issue of Snowboarder Magazine, I came across the Volcom Magma T.D.S. jacket & pants. For about $1,000 I can own them both.
I knew there was a reason I don't mind wearing 2 sweaters under a crappy jacket.
Nike SB - Debacle HD Download Nike Debacle video I was pretty stoked to download Nike's Debacle video in HD format (while it was available for free DL). However, their MP4 file won't burn to a TV-viewable DVD. None of the file sizes would burn direct. What a fucking pain in the ass.

I bulked the hi-res file into Apple's iMovie - over the course of 23 hours! Then it burned to DVD quite well with a few pornographic inserts. Come on, after 23 hours I felt it needed some T&A. BTW- it's a very cool flick and awesome that they'll let you DL it!
The 900 - Not Just for Hawk 720 degrees on the Nintendo NES console Remember 720° on the Nintendo NES? I loved that shit! The 720 was the magic number in skateboard tricks until Tony Hawk came a long and spun a bit more giving birth to the 900.

Then at The Maloof Cup in Orange County 18 year old Alex Perelson became the fourth person ever, and the youngest, to land a 900. He did it on his first try of the day and won the whole contest!

So, who else has done the 2.5 rev spin?

  1. Tony Hawk, July 1999 X-Games, San Francisco, California (USA)
  2. Giorgio Zattoni, April 2004 Marianna HC, Ravenna (Italy)
  3. Sandro Dias, May 2004 Latin X-Games, Rio de Janeiro (Brazil)
  4. Alex Perelson, July 2009 Maloof Money Cup, Costa Mesa, California (USA)
Bikini Hoodie Hoodie Bikini-Parka fashion disaster With the shitty weather we've seen in New England, it's hard to tell this is actually Summer without looking at a calendar as a reminder. Cold weather and rain have robbed me of my will to go outside.

However, this awful weather is perfect for launching a fashion forward notion like merging swimwear with winter-wear. Slap a hoodie on that bikini and the cold weather melts away as you shake your ass in this bikini-parka hybrid swimsuit from hell. Who the fuck comes up with this shit?
Jereme Rogers Wants His Mtv Pro skater Jereme Rogers announced he is leaving the ranks of professional skateboarding to pursue a music career. Everyone loves music. Most people would probably love to quit their day job in favor of being in a band. The main stop to this fantasy is lack of talent. You can't be in a band if you can't sing or play an instrument. From what I've read and listened to, this may be Jereme's affliction too.

He may want to look at the Muska and how he did it. Chad Muska released Muskabeatz in 2002 and then came back to re-invigorate his skate career. He surrounded himself with rap's luminaries and worked out a cool disc that really stood on it's own. He didn't turn his back on skateboarding or announce he was leaving, he just went down another path.

Skaters have close ties to the arts as skateboarding is a very expressional medium that links well to other creative endeavors. However, skateboarding doesn't have to be excluded. By Rogers making a formal announcement many are pissed that he's leaving skateboarding. I think he should have tested the waters with an initial release before telling the world he was leaving skateboarding for a career in music.

BTW- Hey JR, why are you touting being great at baseball and gymnastics. I'm sure your family think you're a big deal, but out in the world, if you have to tell someone you're great, chances are it's NOT true.
Happy Fourth of July! It'll a busy day at the Emergency Room, so remember... Roman Candles often shoot out of both ends. Ouch!

June 2009

Billy Mays Gives it Away For Free They say celebrities always die in threes. That seems to be the case this week with Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Shortly after we hear that loud and happy TV pitchman, Billy Mays died today. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in an extra one for Free!
More Celebrity Deaths: Welcome Michael Jackson Not to be out done by Farrah Fawcett (earlier today) or Ed McMahon (earlier in the week), Michael Jackson decided to put an end to all the child molesting charges by dying. This clever ploy may inhibit prosecution, but London concert goers (and promoters) are a tad peevish now that their Summer tour will be lacking a singer/dancer.
70's Sexy Icon, Farrah Fawcett, Passed Away skateboard Actress Farrah Fawcett Majors Charlie's Angels just wouldn't have been the same with out her!
Click her infamous "red bathing suit" photo for a larger image and view one of Farrah's skateboard photos.

Fawcett, 62, died at John's Medical Center in Santa Monica at 9:28 a.m. Thursday morning with her longtime love, Ryan O'Neal and her friend Alana Stewart by her side. Her death brings an end to a 3 year battle with cancer.
Doritos- The Snack of Choice American advertising is so lame and hung up on popular misconceptions. Must be nice to live in a country where casual hints of sex aren't taboo. Doritos bikini tits ad Doritos bikini bottom ad
Go Skateboarding Day Clashes with Father's Day on the First Day of Summer How many fucking holidays can we pack into one fucking day?!?
We hope Dad was understanding about having a cheap polyester tie dropped in his lap as you cruised out the door for Go Skateboarding Day.

As much as we dig Dad, Go Skateboarding Day comes only once per year - OK, much like Father's Day. But when it falls on the first day of Summer, doesn't that stoke you up to get out there and ride? Hope you had a good one!
Hooters Has a Car Hooters Car

It's behind the T&A crew. It may need to be sold-off to get the infamous fast-food & tits restaurant out of the financial toilet.

Below: This is probably the personal vehicle of one of their executives. The execs always get the good stuff while the ginormic-breasted hard-working girls get laid off.

Hooters executive lamborghini
Burger King Goes Porn Burger King sex doll ad Kid's meal toys have always been a favored way to attract more business to fast food restaurants. Since they can't tout having edible (or nutritious) food, they must rely on customer's compulsion for exploitation. Kids seem to like "toy meals", but what attraction is there for the parents?

Perhaps the prospect of a blow job for Dad would be a good incentive! Dubbed the "Super Seven-Incher" this ad may be just the motivation necessary for Dad to put his 7-incher back in his pants and take the kids to Burger King. Let the kids enjoy a hearty fake-meat sandwich while Dad scouts the dining area for MILFy participants in his BK blow job fantasy.

This is quite a departure from subliminal advertising and boldly states (or strongly implies) that BK MILFs swallow. At least that's the message we got.
Today is National Donut Day National Donut Day National Doughnut Day is on the first Friday of June each year. Just so you don't think this is complete bullshit, Here's some history on this illustrious holiday...

National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army "Lassies" of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France.

Soon after the US entrance into WWI in 1917, the Salvation Army sent a fact-finding mission to France. The mission concluded that "huts" that could serve baked goods, provide writing supplies and stamps, and provide a clothes-mending service, would serve the needs of US enlisted men. Six staff members per hut should include four female volunteers who could "mother" the boys. (The canteens/social centres that were established by the Salvation Army in the United States near army training centers were called "huts".)

About 250 Salvation Army volunteers went to France. Because of the difficulties of providing freshly-baked goods from huts established in abandoned buildings near to the front lines, two Salvation Army volunteers (Ensign Margaret Sheldon and Adjutant Helen Purviance) came up with the idea of providing doughnuts. These are reported to have been an "instant hit", and "soon many soldiers were visiting Salvation Army huts". Margaret Sheldon wrote of one busy day "Today I made 22 pies, 300 doughnuts, 700 cups of coffee."

A legend has spread that the provision of doughnuts to US enlisted men in WWI is the origin of the term doughboy to describe US infantry, but the term was in use as early as the Mexican-American War of 1846-47.

National Donut Day
So skate on over to your local donut shop and demand some free product. If you live near a Krispy Kreme Doughnut shop, ignore all others and head straight there!
Tanked Girl Hits Skateboarder Remember when Lori Petty had an acting career and starred in that horrible Tank Girl movie (even though I secretly love that flick & the Tank Girl comics book are amazing)? Her career has turned to skateboarding - or rather running over skateboarders.

Actress Lori Petty, 45, was arrested Saturday night on felony drunk driving charges after hitting a 14-year-old skateboarder in Venice, Ca. Police and paramedics arrived at the scene of the accident at 9:30 p.m. The skateboarder was treated for his injuries and released.

Why is it that celebrities are always running people over in their cars? It seems like a fad that would be easily crushed by jail-time.

May 2009

Kiss iPhone Lighter Been burning your fingers at rock concerts lately? It can get tough when you hold up a lighter for extended periods and the wind shifts, crisping up your thumb. No more! iPohne to the rescue with another idiotic 99 cent application.

I don't have an iPhone yet and perhaps that's part of what pisses me off. What really gets me is the simplistic applications being developed that are making huge money. Take for instance, the Lighter application. Simple enough, yet it's going to generate a ton of cash for the developer and it can be re-branded for any band! Kiss IPhone Lighter
Transgendered Wizards? Harriet Potter J. K. Rowling is the pen-name for Joanne Rowling, the woman who wrote the Harry Potter series. Apparently, it was thought that boys wouldn't read such a book if they knew it was written by a woman.

Sexy Harriet Potter If a picture is worth a thousand words, I think I'd rather read Harriet Potter and recommend Jules Jordan to direct the movie version.
USB Thumb-Drive Skateboards Santa Cruze USB thumb drive for computers Don't worry Microsoft hasn't released Windows Skate yet. But when they do, you can be certain your bearings will lock up, Kingpin threading will strip and smooth grip tape will hit the marketplace. Skateboard decks will fall in price to $7.00 for a deck, but each wheel will cost $35.00. You can't win when backwards thinking prevails. But a Mac!

So, I'm wondering if the Tech Deck folks are a little bent outta shape that someone is making miniature skateboards that actually have a fucking purpose. Having a 4 to 8 gigabyte flash drive in my pocket seems eminently more useful than trying to skateboard with my fingers. On the other hand do I need something knobby in my pocket? It's swell that it looks like a skateboard and has actual graphics, but the trucks and wheels may prove irritating.

All in all, I'll say it's clever, but not as clever as any other flash drive on the market. Maybe if it came pre-loaded with a gig of porn, I'd feel differently. Santa Cruze USB thumb drive for computers

April 2009

California Girls Skateboards California Girls Skateboards logo It's not that we have a knack for seeing out porn and bikini models as they pertain to skateboarding. California Girls Skateboards logo We've just encountered a batch of skate-related semi-smut we wanted to share. Eric Muss-Barnes has his "skate-on" yet again. You may recall he and female pro skater Holly Lyons released a free DVD, Learn To Ride A Skateboard.

Sans Ms. Lyons, Eric has ventured into the online wonders of Zazzle, a web site allowing the graphic customization of a number of products. This would include placing bikini models on skateboard decks. So, if Mom won't let you buy a deck featuring a porn star, maybe she'll let you get away with a bikini model. At least that's the hope.

Check out the California Girls Skateboards web site and see which model you want to grind across your favorite ledge.
California Girls Skateboard decks
Is Gene Simmons Mr. Krabs? Gene Simmons drinks Dr. Pepper soda I like analogies. They can really drive home a point. Have you ever watched the reality shoe, Gene Simmons Family Jewels? Gene Simmons really likes money. If you're a SpongeBob fan, you'll appreciated Gene's lust for cash being quite similar to Bikini Bottom's very own Mr. Krabs.

You'd think the Kiss Farewell Tour (now in it's 24th year) would generate enough cash, but it's tough raising a family in Bev Hills, so every penny counts - as Mr Krabs would say.

All kidding aside, I've loved kiss since 1977 and soak up everything they have to offer. Damn! Gene's marketing genius got me too!
Pornstars, Skateboards & Comic Books Featuring Ariel Rebel Ariel Rebel comic book skateboard deck You may have heard of the company, Pornstar Skateboards, who are making a name for themselves by putting images of pornstars on their skate decks. Cool idea we dig it. But, have you heard of any porn stars producing their own skateboards?

Ariel Rebel comic book cover Enter Ariel Rebel, the youthful internet porn queen, who is designing skateboards to coincide with her comic book release, The Adventures of Ariel Rebel. She seems to have a few different deck designs on her site - along with a lot of porn. Speaking of which, Ariel has done a few skateboard photo shoots where she bares it all, including this over-Googled "skateboard slut image".

Ariel Rebel skateboard deck inset Her comic book, due out some time in 2009, tells a story of the eponymous heroine in a world where space travel is common and exists next to fantasy elements. And in this world, Ariel crashes with her spacebike - aptly named the Rebel - and finds herself in the middle of trouble, having interrupted some orcs raping a young girl. Somehow, the naked girl thinks Ariel crashed to save her while the latter can't even remember who she is. But nobody wants to mess with nasty orcs that want to tentacle-rape everyone, so the two of them run. Luckily, the Rebel is fast enough to outrun most of everyone... until it runs out of fuel.
Here's a sample page of Ariel Rebel's comic book from her web site.

Ariel Rebel comic book sample page Many "adult" comics are so focused on sex, that they seem little more than an animated porn mag. The Adventures of Ariel Rebel actually contains a story that unfolds making you want to see what happens next. This could be a cool transition for the world of adult comics.
Cops Dabble in "Cool" Next time a "man in blue" is chasing you down the street as donut crumbs fly off his shirt, you might not be able to escape quite as easily via skateboard. cop car of the future skateboarding
Retrofitted with the slickest donut-drawers and coffee cup holders, cops of the near future will be hunting skateboarders in cooler looking cars. This high horse-power upgrade to cop cars may prompt you to kick a cop in the balls just so you can hitch a quick ride in one of these jaunty beauties. And you thought your tax dollars were spent hiring more cops - oh no! It's being squandered on fun custom cars.

Next time the law is on your tail, don't bother skating away - just run up a flight of stairs. Like their badge-wielding drivers, these new cars don't handle stairs well either.

C'mon... we kid. We dig the police and don't want to be tasered for having an opinion.
Re-defining "Slut" bikini jeans skateboarding pants Who says fashion isn't progressing?

It wasn't long ago that girls felt the need to wear low-rise jeans so their thong (and hunk-o-ass) would hang out. Of course gangster mall-boys couldn't let go of the notion that they too should wear their pants low and let everyone look at their boxer-clad asses. Um... yeah, great idea. We preferred the look sported by the thong-y ladies, but since most kids carry guns, we'll let it lie.

So anyway...
Here's an interesting idea in slut-wear: simulated thong exposure conveniently attached to a pair of jeans. Brilliant. Now you can forgo the undies altogether! Whenever I see something like this, I know that the future is still wide open to folks seeking patents for their new ideas.
Happy Easter! Go drink some beers and paint some eggs.

Easter Support local skateboard shops
Tony Hawk's Global Easter Egg Hunt Tony Hawk Easter egg skateboards Tony hawk seems to do most things "big". From massive half-pipes to a myriad of self-titled video games, the Birdman doesn't go half-way on any project. So why would he settle for a backyard Easter egg hunt when he can easily make use of the entire planet?

Traditional eggs were scrapped in favor of signed boards hidden in various locations around the world. Yes - on different continents. Clues were obtained from following Tony Hawk's Twitter account.

Spanning the globe from the US to Australia, Birdhouse decks signed by Tony were discovered by Tony's Twitter followers. Just when scavenger hunts reached a ceiling of interest, along comes Hawk to re-invent the genre and keep the bunny hopping Easter-style.
From Tony Hawk's Twitter page:
Tony Hawk Easter egg twitter tweets
Skateboard Joystick Just when you thought only flight simulators give you real control over a computer game, along comes this odd looking attachment.

Skateboard computer joystick controller

I think I'll draw the line at those $3 Tech Decks and not feel a need to finger-board my way through skate games on my computer. I'd rather go outside and skate than fuck around with this odd looking thing.
Skateboard Thong Skateboard Thong If you're in the market for a thong with pictures of skateboards on it, the London France Underpants company may be able to help you out. However, don't be fooled by chicks wearing a thong with skateboards all over it. That doesn't mean they skate!

Through careful thought and analysis, we've concluded that we prefer pictures of skater-girls wearing thongs, but it's a subtle difference. Yeah, we definitely prefer a skater-girl who wears a thong. Skateboard girls wearing thongs
FYI- As pleasing to the eye as they are, we're not fooled by these impostors. We'd chill with em, but we know they don't skate! Here are some more thongs that don't skate.
April Fools Day Being such an obvious day for a witty prank, why not choose another day to foist your random "outrageous gag" on some poor sap. Better yet, just fuck off and pretend it's a day like any other.
The number of people whining about computer viruses is insane. It's as though the news media has nothing else to showcase... like the failing global economy!

March 2009

Phone-In Your Skate Session People used to go outside to work, play or just enjoy the outdoors. Video games seem to have squashed that. OK you can take you PSP or GameBoy outside, but you can't see shit on those screens when it's sunny. You won't leave without your cell, so Vans has a skate game to help you deplete your battery. Vans iPhone skateboard game.

Vans iPhone game
Is an iPhone user more likely to run out of money buying $2 applications or the space to contain them all?
Automaker Bailout Can I choose which automaker gets my tax dollars as part of their bailout? I love my Jeep and couldn't give a fuck about GM. Actually, I don't have much sympathy for any company that thinks a hybrid Escalade is the answer to green consumer habits! How about a solar powered steam roller or a jet-turbine with an hand-crank.

Obviously, these assholes don't know how to run a company. Why give them money to let them continue fucking up their companies? If tax-payer money is going to be doled out with no regulation (most companies have use the money for bonuses and parties), why allow the current management team to remain. I say remove all senior management from any company that is to receive bailout money from the tax payers.

We should give the bailout money to responsible businesses like skate shops!
Pink is the New Black (& blue) Paris Hilton pink bentley car Look like someone needs to be slapped... again!

I keep waffling on my Paris Hilton stance. Hot -vs- Moron. She certainly looks hot next to her pink Bentley, but does anyone need a pink Bentley with a diamond encrusted dashboard?

You thought a nice car stereo would induce a break-in, what about jewels on the dash?!? WTF? This girl may need a good concrete skatepark head-slam to set her straight.

Go skate, Paris!
First Day of Spring Shouldn't the the first day of Spring usher in some decent weather? The local bird population seems down with the program, why can't Mother Nature get her shit together and warm things up? Does she need a call from Al Gore?

Decided to role with the "fuck it" notion and sport my new Vans. By noon my feet were freezing and left heal blistered to a bloody mess - had to clean blood off the new kicks. Seeking warm weather and a bandaid.
Our Brush with Ineternet Savvy: Julia Roy On a completely unrelated topic, check out Julia Roy. Just Google her name - can't miss her. Julia Roy isn't a pro skateboarder, but the skate industry could learn a lot from her about connecting with people (customers!).
Digital girl Julia Roy twitter comment
Digital girl Julia Roy She bills herself as a "digital Girl" - no, not the slutty porno type that we usually gravitate towards. She's a tech geek - a cute tech geek - with an amazing ability to be everywhere in every format. She's the queen of social networking and has her own URL to reside over all her digital feeds from Twitter to YouTube. Julia is everywhere and always has an opinion and a sense of humor.

The skateboard industry could take a lesson from Ms. Roy about how to market one's self, company or concept. With a myriad of skate products on the market, and floating around the net, you have to get out there and be heard. Being cute and blonde doesn't hurt, but the point is getting publicity. It's not enough to simply join every social networking site out there and hope for the best. You have to tie them all together into a cohesive brand and/or message. If you want to succeed, get noticed - everywhere.
Got Julia? Julia Roy dot com.
After following her online (the new stalking?), we finally had to send her an "attaGirl" message on Twitter. Minutes later she sent this one back at us. Redefining ubiquity, Julia Roy is a very digital girl! And she hast 2 cats named "Mac" and "Tosh" - how fucking cool is that! As in Apple "Macintosh" for all you beige-boxers.
Discount on Van's Slip-ons Having discovered that CCS is owned by Footlocker, I'm trying to be more savvy about my online purchases. However, its hard to resist a sale at CCS Skate combined with a discount coupon. The result was another pair of Vans Slip ons - yellow/black checker - for under $20 shipping included. Damn I love those shoes - go team Spicoli!
Stereo Box Set Finally located the Stereo box set with the re-releases of A Visual Sound and Tincan Folkore. Can't wait to shove em into my DVD player!
Tony Hawk is Everywhere Tony Hawk cover  Washington Flyer airport magazine Sure Tony has been in the skate scene for decades and has propelled skateboarding to new heights as the "public face of skateboarding", but it still amazes me to see just how prolific he really is.

Killing time in a DC airport I saw his mug on the cover of Washington Flyer, a free (crappy rag to pass time) airport magazine, in which some lunk attempts to interview him by asking the same 4 questions every "dolt in a cave" asks and then tries to tie in the Washington scene with a political question. Um, what about the DC skate scene? We can read about all the corrupt fuckos in the newspaper. Does Hawk have a lobbyist's pull in the political arena?

This is the kind of mag that gives landfills a bad rep.
SkateAid - The Band-Aid for your Skate Shoes Initially, I had an odd feeling about this. A band-aid for skate shoes? Maybe I'm just too old school and associate shoe repair with duct tape. Shoe Goo does an amazing job at filling in the gaps, but wouldn't it be nice to cover up the Goo with something? Something that makes you feel you really completed the job and repaired your shoe.

Skate Aid is the thing! Ploo some Shoe Goo on that rip ad cap it off with a skate band-aid from Skate-Aid. Hard to say if this will catch on, but it's a pretty cool idea. Skate-aid the band-aid for skateboard shoes

February 2009

More on Boardsports and "Paddles" Kahuna's Big Stick land paddle for longboards Nearly a year ago we came across the Big Stick "land paddles" made by Kahuna. Apparently, longboarders are to use these devises to propel themselves across flat ground. I thought this is where feet played a role - maybe not. I see the purpose, but I still don't think the world of boardsports is ready to accept a land paddle. Truth be told, I'm dying to try one. The Big Stick looks like a great accessory to cruising by the shore on a hot day. Give yourself a little momentum and then knock a meth-head out of your path.

The other day I saw the same product, in ESM surf mag. This dude is surfing and, low and behold, he's holding a paddle. Kind of made me think of the Venice gondoliers. Seems to me that surfing the waves with a paddle would be like dropping into a half pipe with a "Big Stick" - not smart. But I do see the virtue of this land paddle for traversing the flat lands. But on a surfboard? Get a kayak!

See if the Kahuna Creations' Big Stick is the right "paddle" for your ride.
Happy Valentine's Day If she doesn't let you skate today... toss the roses. You can do better!

And Support your local independent skate shop!

Valentine skate shop support
Our New Editor In Chief Her computer skills are impressive and we think Tila Nguyen will work out just fine.
porn star Tila Nguyen
Sea Monkeys Come of Age You may remember the typical tanks that Sea Monkeys came with - the rectangular tank with rounded ends - the Ocean Zoo. Sea Monkeys have evolved into all sorts of crazy shit these days. I bought Sea Monkey City with features a squatty-shaped square tank complete with a city-scape of sky scrappers, green parks and cars on the roads. There's also a beach tank and a moon-scape. Pretty cool to see the altered Brine Shrimp live on for new generations to grow. Fucking "Pet Rocks" just sat there doing nothing! Sea Monkeys are the shit! SeaMonkey Sea Monkey City

January 2009

Light Board? I keep seeing print ads for this Photon Light Board. You may think it's a new lightweight material that will revolutionize skateboarding, but alas it's not. It's a deck with embedded lights that glow.

Photon Light Board Maybe it's my style, but I don't find myself needing a skateboard with rechargeable lights - yeah, you plug it in to recharge. I never understood those lights they install under cars; a la "Fast & Furious". What's up with that shit? Maybe I just don't get it and I'm missing the point. If a lighted skate is your thing, this is the product for you. Otherwise, just keep skating.

This contraption's obvious benefit is at night when you can see the lights best. Most night sessions are done under the cover of darkness so security, cops and nagging locals won't see you and cause problems. The last thing one needs is a flashy lit-up skate board drawing attention. Sorry, I just don't get this one.
Victor Giannini's Art Profiled in Concrete Wave Skate Mag The popular skate comic Skeightfast Dyephun, authored and drawn by Victor Giannini, is only one of his creative endeavors. Concrete Wave profiled him in their "Art" section in the Holiday 2008 issue. They show several of his works along with some of the decks he's designed. Stop by his website to see Giannini's whole portfolio.

This issue came out late last year, but my local Borders bookstore (yeah, I know I should subscribe) took forever to get it on the shelf.
Victor Giannini art profile in Concrete Wave Skateboard magazine
NSGA Reports increase in Skateboard Participation The National Sporting Goods Association (NSGA) reports 10.1 million people are skateboarding. This represents a 4.2% increase for the year 2007. The 2 biggest losses in participation where Cross Country Skiing (down 35%) and Wrestling (down 33.3%). I guess folks no longer want to ski uphill or get sweaty in a unitard. Go figure!

The methodology for arriving at these numbers seems riddled with uncertainty as to accuracy. The NSGA may be better off counting the number of croquet mallets used in violent crimes.
Happy New Year! Start the new year off right and petition your town to build a skate park!

Support your local skate shop #sylss


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